Bring Him Home Santa

Hoping you all have a very blessed Christmas and a safe and happy New Year!

Hello Blogland!

I promise I did not fall completely off the face of the planet... just mostly.

I'm back in Texas and to tell you the truth I have been having a rough time here. It isn't really that anyone has said or done anything wrong. My family has been wonderful and I have only had a few minor "family issues". I think most of it stems from not having my own space. I'm basically sleeping in my grandfather's closet. Now before you think "how terrible!" let me explain that it IS a bedroom with a queen sized bed (horribly uncomfortable mattress, but I'll live). But I don't really have the luxury of privacy while I'm here. All the dresser drawers and closet space in the spare room are Pop's while all the rest of the closets in the house are Mam's. (Yes, I come by my clothing obsession genetically.) So any time he needs to get ready for church or anything he has to come into the room and move my stuff around to GET to his stuff.

Samantha's operation went well. We think her VNS stopped working the day before her operation but she is doing great now. We drove into Houston the same weekend that Hurricane Ike hit so finding a hotel with electricity, running water AND no "new" trees in the lobby (via the roof) was a trick! After driving around Houston for three hours we finally found one with a generator. The elevator was out so we all (Mom, Dad, Me, Samantha, Auron AND Xander) had to get up and down the stairs, but we lucked out and they had a room on the second floor. Dad also had his visit with MD Anderson while we were in Houston and they think he is now a great candidate for surgical intervention! (This increases his ten year survival odds from 5% here to closer to 70% there!) Sam has another minor operation coming up in a few weeks. She has grown so much in the past ten months that her feeding tube is too small and causing her tummy to bleed from the pressure. It is only slightly more invasive then, for example, changing out a tongue ring.

I am going to share some photos of the kids in their costumes because I'm not sure I will have the chance to blog again before the end of the month. I took these to send in a Halloween themed care package to Darrell! I hope everyone is doing well and, as always, we could use all the prayers and good thoughts you could send our way!

Until next time, God Bless!

My Beautiful Kiddos...

My Beautiful Kiddos all in one place again!

Just as it should be (if life were perfect and Darrell was home).

Samantha's operation has been postponed (insurance complications) so PLEASE keep her in your prayers. We need to have her VNS replaced before the battery completely dies so that her seizures do not come blaring back at full throttle. Her brain is no longer used to that level of seizure activity and a sudden return to it could prove fatal very quickly. We hope that we can get everything worked out and rescheduled for next week (the same time Dad has to be there for his Cancer check up).

So please just pray that everything goes well and the timing works out!

If I could be a Super Hero...

Her Super powers would include (but would not be limited to):

1. Laughing when she feels like crying

2. Having strength to keep moving when her world crumbles in around her

3. Always finding the silver lining (even when its more grey-ish)

4. A pain tolerance beyond that of mere mortals

5. Teleportation

6. The ability to heal others (physically, mentally & spiritually)

7. The ability to successfully mediate any conflict

Share The Music Saturday...

Why I Didn't Make The Olympic Team...

Crazy Mommies and babies in wells...

I'm sure I looked like a complete irrational idiot to my new neighbors today.

Anyone who knows me is accustomed to the fact that I border on neurotic when it comes to the safety of my children.

For this reason Auron knows that he is NEVER to be out of my sight line while he plays outside.

Kids get snatched and step off curbs and fall into drainage systems way too fast and easy for me to be comfortable with the idea of one of my kids wandering the neighborhood unattended.

I took Auron outside to play earlier today and noticed that our new neighbors who just moved in across the courtyard were outside. Two boys older than Auron and one younger. I walked across the courtyard to introduce myself while Auron made friends with the new kids. The boys were playing nicely close to the end of one of the buildings while the moms chatted.

I looked away for what had to have been less than five seconds and when I looked back up to check on Auron...

He was gone.

I immediately jumped up (still holding Xander on my hip) and started calling for Auron and running towards the last place he had been. I called for him eight different times while frantically walking around two buildings.

He didn't answer once.

By the time I found him (perfectly safe and not missing any limbs) I was so worked up I could hardly speak.

I did not excuse myself.

I did not say "goodbye, nice to meet you" to the new neighbor.

I grabbed Auron by the arm and walked as fast as his little legs would allow us to back inside our house while telling him in a near hysterical pitch that

"you know you are NEVER EVER TO GO WHERE MOMMY CAN'T SEE YOU!!!!".

Once we got inside the house and I could put Xander down I quickly dissolved into tears.

I told Auron how badly he had scared me and that it would be so easy for someone to take him or hurt him if he wanders off like that.

We live on post and for the most part I know that it is highly unlikely that anyone would take him or purposely hurt him here. The thing I was most worried about are the huge drainage areas that are everywhere here where a toddler could very easily fall into the open sides and be gone in a matter of seconds.

I lived about 30 miles from where baby Jessica fell into a well (for any of you who remember that story) and that ordeal stuck with me all these years.

I was so afraid today that I just held him and cried because I was so thankful I found him safe.

Beautiful...

81 giggles...

I was browsing the web looking for stuff to cheer me up when I came across this post on Smoke & Mirrors. The more I read, the more I giggled (especially when I ran across the ones I have used in the past). Anyway, just wanted to share the madness!

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....

If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of Humor.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said,

"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three
times, then said 'oh sh**.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped
over the coffee table and farted."

Please Pray...

CANCER SUCKS

It came back...

Please keep my Daddy and the rest of the family in your prayers...

Confession of the day...

I do not keep my places I lurk list on my blog for others...
I put them there so I can always find them again if my computer gets hacked and/or dies.

A few giggles in the political crap pile...

Way funny take on things by a guy named Justin Paulette:

http://news.aol.com/political-machine/2008/08/06/an-irish-perspective/

And the much talked about Paris for president ad:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/64ad536a6d

Bed time prayer (Auron's way)...

This was WAY too cute not to share.

(I shot this video with my phone today, so I'm sorry for the poor quality.)

I TRIED to teach him:

"Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. Angels watch me through the night and wake me with the morning light. Amen."

What he actually says:

"Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord I sorta keep. Angels watch me through the night and wake me with the morning light. Amen!"

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!...

I wish I had known what a sweet and wonderful blessing Xander was going to be when I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with him.

I was so freaked out about the details (how were we going to afford another baby) that I was in denial about the pregnancy almost up to the day I gave birth.

I remember very vividly calling one of my best girlfriends crying: "I just realized I'm going to have a baby in 3 weeks! I'm not ready to have another baby!!!"

Her quite logical answer: "Well, Melissa, you don't have much of an option at this point."

My beautiful surprise turned a whole year old today.

It blows my mind how fast the past year has gone by.

My handsome Xander is growing up, and now I'm not so sure I'm ready for that...

Happy Birthday Xander Elias!

Mommy loves you and is SO thankful that you came to be a part of our family!

What is WRONG with the world?!!!!!...

This story (click on the post title to go read the news story) makes me sick to my stomach. To think about what this beautiful girl went through before she died tears my heart out.

There is a petition at this site: http://www.caica.org/index.htm

I am asking for everyone who reads this blog go sign the above petition.

It will take two minutes of your time and could save the life of a helpless child.

Please, I am sitting here in tears. I lost my god-brother because of the damage caused when he was abused in a "care facility". It has to be one of my biggest fears for my Beautiful Angel Samantha, that one day she will get too big for her family to meet her physical needs anymore and she will have to go into a "care facility".

The physical and sexual abuse that goes on, especially when a child can not communicate to tell someone...

I'm going to stop there.

I can't bear to think about it anymore tonight.

T.M.I. (I'm sure)...

I was sodomized today.

Not thrilling, that's for sure.

Because of my Dad's not so recent bout with Cancer (that word will always be capitalized now) I had to have my very first colonoscopy today. Everything was fine, no abnormalities found (other than the VERY abnormal tube up my butt.) The two days of no food and constant bathroom trips getting "prepared" for the testing was an adventure in itself.

Needless to say I have had a rough few days. Thank God I have a great friend here who has taken the boys overnight last night and tonight so I could recover in peace. I'm not sure what I would do without her.

Anytime I have a bad day I pull out Darrell's cologne to spray on my pillow, or on a piece of his clothing that I cuddle with and carry around to feel closer to him. (My version of a security blanket I guess.) I don't feel well today. So I got his robe from the closet and went to grab his cologne. I had somehow misplaced it. I did eventually find it and am now calm enough to write this blog... But when I thought I had lost it feeling the way I do today... Lets just say that I am very grateful my boys were not here to see Mommy bawling because she couldn't find Daddy's cologne.

I miss my Hubby...

God Rocks!...

At this point I get to talk to my husband over the Internet once a week, IF the Internet is working properly on his end. Xander will be a year old in just a few days and I have been neurotic about ALWAYS having my camera ready so I could catch his first independent steps when they happen. I probably have an hour and a half of video where Xander is just standing in place grinning at me before he decides he would rather crawl. Darrell has missed SO much with Xander I was determined to AT LEAST catch his first steps so I could send the video to my hubby to see.

Last night I was on a video call with Darrell (our once a week one), and never in a million years did I think (or even hope) Xander would take his first steps WHILE his Daddy was watching live over the web cam,

BUT HE DID!!!!!!!!!!!

Less than five minutes after he got to be a part of Xander's first steps, Darrell's Internet completely crashed. If Xander had walked five minutes earlier or five minutes later Darrell would have missed it. The timing could not have been more perfect! No WAY that was just "luck"... It was totally a God thing!

Anyway, it made me all sorts of happy and I just wanted to share!

GOD ROCKS!!!!!

Mall Photo Booth...

Kenadie & Samantha...

I was watching a show tonight on TLC about a little girl (Kenadie Jourdin Bromley) who has primordial dwarfism.

Instead of the thoughts most people would have of "oh, how sad." or "I don't know WHAT I would do if my child had that...", I just kept feeling jealous. I wish that Samantha had that instead of, or in addition to, Angelman Syndrome.

I know that must sound so strange. But if she was that small... I would never have to worry about not being able to take care of her. She would be able to stay in her own home with her own Mom and Dad and siblings. I know that those born with this condition have their own set of medical concerns and problems...

But I still can't help wishing this was Sam's biggest issue to overcome.

Ah, Well! Welcome to my twisted world!

Even Our Flag Fights Back...

In case you can't read the small print, it says:

American Flag: $25

Gasoline: $2

Cigarette lighter: $2.50

Catching yourself on fire because you are a terrorist asshole: PRICELESS

Westboro VS. Fort Bragg...

Them:

US:

I went to this rally expecting a negative experience. What I got instead, was a wonderful feeling that I am not here alone. I am surrounded by tons of people in this extended family that is the Army, and people who genuinely appreciate the sacrifices our families make.

To see the love poured out for our troops in such a visual and very vocal way was nothing short of awe inspiring! Traffic was backing up like crazy because of all the people slowing down (and outright stopping) to honk and show their support.

I have been in a GREAT mood since I left the rally this morning. Who would have thought that a day that started by me gearing up to face off with some of the most hate filled people on the planet, would turn out to be one of the best days I have had in awhile?!

While there were a few in our crowd who went to low (and amusing) blows, most of it was just very positive and supportive of our troops and their families. Although I have to admit i enjoyed the sign pointed towards Westboro that read: "Oh, just drink the Kool-aid already!"

My beautiful girl is getting SO BIG!...

Fire ants suck...

I have spent the last three days comforting a very sick little Auron.
He sat in a fire ant mound outside our house and got between 15 and 20 bites before I could get all his clothes off of him. He ran 103 degree fever and was miserable for three days because of it. Poor guy.
The doctor said it wasn't an allergic reaction... just a reaction.
Needless to say, he plans to avoid ant hills in the future.

People to flog...

God Bless The Patriot Guard!
If you want to know more about the hate mongers of Westboro Baptist Church, visit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church

Tip for the day...

Sitting naked (or almost naked) on a yoga ball is a BAD PLAN. When you try to stand up quickly to find out why one of the kids is screaming you very swiftly loose the top four layers of skin.
Just a thought...

Auron's first prayer...

In case you can't understand his words, I will translate:

God is great, God is good, Let us thank you for our food. And God bless us Army Guys. (Originally God bless Daddy Army Guy, but changed when Auron decided he was an "Army Guy" too) AMEN!

Man! Is my kid GREAT or what!?

Thought of the day...

Everyone should own at least one set of satin sheets. They feel great!

News... and stuff...

I am attempting to do my first blog entry via the new palm centro I got a beyond rediculous deal on at radio shack. So if this looks odd, it is because I am very new to the whole palm thing. So far, I love it! Sam has to have surgery again soon and the idea of having limmited access to email while Darrell is deployed and worried about us,was a large enough concern that I took my recently upgraded phone back to the store and went with the palm instead. Please pray that I can get a loan to make it home for Sam's operation. Four days before we found out her VNS was dying I had to drain our savings (plus some) to fix the minivan. I'm waiting for bad thing number three now. Bad things always seem to hit our family three in a row. So just pray for us. Thanks.

Things to think about...

Perspective

Alone...

Tonight is the first time since we moved away from Texas that I have felt completely alone and homesick. I thought it would have hit me a few days ago on my anniversary, but NOOOOOO, I get the delayed reaction thing! I think it was a combination of things that brought it on. Let me elaborate:

I had been planning to go back to Texas for the holiday season. I planned on flying the boys and I home before Thanksgiving and I was going to wait until after my birthday in January to come back here. As of my anniversary, that plan is completely out the window. Why, you ask? Well, my minivan broke and I had to pay $700 to fix it. Going back to Texas for the holidays would cost a minimum of $1200 (just to get us there and back). That would have already stretched a very tight budget, but before the minivan broke I still thought I would be able to squeeze the money from someplace. Now... Not so much. That means I will spend Thanksgiving, Sam's birthday, Christmas, New Years and my birthday here alone.

I needed to get out of the house with the boys tonight. I thought it would be a great plan to go see the new Disney movie. Slight problem: there is a killer loose in our area and I do not think it would be a brilliant plan to be out on the town alone with the boys. SO, I call every friend I have made since I got into town (minus the few who are out of town), and guess how many of them answered the phone?.... None. Everyone was either working, or already attending some other function. So, suddenly the walls seem to be closing in on me AND the house feels too big for just me and the boys all at the same time.

I can't seem to sleep because the bed and my bedroom just seem so empty and lonely... and it doesn't help that Darrell's pillow doesn't smell like him anymore.

Be Still...

Confession of the day...

I want to bail out of the horribly crashing and dysfunctional FRG I volunteered to "help" with, but I can't bring myself to quit after I contacted families to tell them I would be here if they need me.

I'm afraid that the end result of me NOT bailing on this FRG will be a serious distaste for all future interactions with what is SUPPOSED TO BE a support system for families of deployed soldiers.

Today has been a rough day.

I miss my husband. I miss my daughter, and I'm worried about her seizure activity coming back up with the Summer heat. It is so hard for me to believe that my daughter has not been under the same roof as me for about a year now.

I HATE THAT.

I know she is being well cared for, and I know she is loved beyond words.

It still hurts that she is not with me.

Today has been a rough day.

One person CAN change the world...

Rest in peace Lorenzo Odone, and know that your life made a difference.

You will be missed.

I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!

I got flowers from my deployed husband today!!!!!

I TOLD you guys he was the BEST HUSBAND EVER!!!!

Happy Dance...?

OK.

I know someone is going to make fun of me for this, but I just can't resist sharing this with you guys.

I was walking through my local superstore the other day and came across:

TEAL DUCK TAPE!

I'm not sure why this was such an exciting thing to me.

I'm sure there is some deep psychological reason why I grabbed a roll, squealed with glee and did a happy dance that made my sons look at me like I had finally dropped completely off the edge.

I'm not even sure what I would USE teal duck tape on... But for some reason finding such a practical item as duck tape in my favorite color just MADE my day.

Since Samantha's birth, I have always looked for joy in the small moments of life, but this one even caught me by surprise.

Oh, well! Take it where you can get it, right?!

The Gratitude Campaign

From my inbox...

Not sure how I feel about this guy's dad posting such specific information for OPSEC reasons, but you have to admit... the guy has a valid point.

Waiting for the love of my life to return to me...

ALWAYS.

My handsome little guy...

He wants to be just like Daddy.

It makes me smile!

Bath rug hopscotch...

Recently, our maintenance guy had to come pull up both our toilets and replace all the guts to them. I am no plumbing genius and I was unaware that pulling up the toilets that had been leaking and clogging like crazy would cause toilet water to go all over my freshly scrubbed and sanitized bathroom floors.

I have been so busy with the kids and FRG and trying to squeeze in quality time with my husband that I have not yet had the glorious opportunity to get back down on my hands and knees to re-scrub and re-sanitize everything yet.

I have a big enough problem thinking that feet are gross to begin with, so the idea of walking across a floor that has even a tiny amount of toilet water (and whatever was clogged in it at the time it was pulled up from the floor) is revolting to me.

Yet, I still have to shower and pee. This poses a dilemma and results in what I’m sure would be a hysterical show for anyone who might be unfortunate enough to witness it.

I have three strategically placed bath rugs and as long as I perch sideways on the toilet when I need to go I’m ok. Showering is a bit more complex. After I shower I take a small leap from the rug in front of the shower to the one in front of the sink and lean across the counter to get to the medicine cabinet. I take my meds and towel dry my hair then leap back to the shower rug to hang my towel on the rack. A small leap to the rug by the door, where I put on my robe and rejoin my guys for the evening.

I plan to re-bleach my floors as soon as I have the chance, but for now spending every second I can with my husband is more important to me than avoiding bath rug hopscotch.

If nothing else it will give me a productive way to take out frustration after he deploys.

Then again, I might scrub the linoleum off…

Watch for the ghost...

This was too great not to share... Turn up your sound!

Myspace suckage resolved...

I have the best husband on the planet!
I know I have mentioned this before, but it deserves to be said again.
I talked to him about how badly the myspace comment left for him had made me feel. He couldn't understand WHY I felt the way I did about it, but he volunteered to delete the comment. He also sent the girl in question an email letting her know that love poems were inappropriate to send to a married man and asking her not to do it again.
He didn't HAVE to act on feelings that he didn't understand, but he did because he could see how upsetting it was for me.
I have the best husband on the planet!

Daddy's helmet is hard to fill...

Taken with my new Canon Rebel XTi

Yay Tax Return!

Myspace suckage...

OK.
Here I sit in the middle of the night blogging again.
Why? Because I'm upset and angry and irritated.
A girl that my husband knew from his "wild and crazy" phase left a comment on his myspace page. No big deal right? Normally no. This one, YES.
She posted a romantic love poem on MY HUSBAND'S PAGE!
OK, Reality check: my husband is about to be out of the country for (unspecified humongous time span) so it isn't like I'm concerned that this would lead to a physical affair, my husband is way too smart and devoted to our family for that to be a concern. (However, an emotional one would be just as damaging and much more likely to sneak up on him, especially since we will soon be apart for XXX amount of time and he is pretty bad at picking up hints when people like him as "MORE than a friend".)
I think what pisses me off about it the most is that it feels so very disrespectful towards me and our marriage.
I want reassurance that I have no reason to worry about this.
The baby took forever to go to sleep tonight and by the time he did, Darrell had already been asleep for at least an hour.
Tip of the day: if you want your spouse to give you firm emotional support and assurances DO NOT wake them from a dead sleep in an attempt to gain it. It only makes you feel worse when the response to a sniffle filled question about your relationship is answered with a pat on the hand and a mumbled "you don't have anything to worry about babe", followed swiftly by a return to deep breathing that signals he is already sleeping again.

Random giggles...

No matter the distance...

ALWAYS.

ARMY: You can have your husband back... OR NOT...

So... My first blog from a new state...
We have been a family again for roughly a month and a half.
Our new state is beautiful!
I LOVE HAVING MY HUSBAND IN MY ARMS AGAIN!
I will not have him for long.
Uncle Sam has called and wants to ship my husband into a war zone.
I cannot and will not say exactly where or when.
Simply that it is far too soon and he will be gone for a very long time.
I am working on ways to help our boys cope with our first deployment...
I'm still not sure how I will get through it... I just know I have to.
I have to be as strong as I can for all of us.
Even if what I really want to do is curl up into a ball and sob for three days.
I hope I can make some friends soon.
We haven't even had the chance to completely get unpacked yet and I will soon be on my own.
I thought we would have more time as a family before his first deployment. As it turns out our time is very limited.
I do have a nice neighbor who has a three year old son that Auron likes to play with. That is a plus.
We found a decent place to rent and as soon as I get out from under all the boxes I'm sure I will find it again.
Stop reading this and go hug your family now.
God Bless You All!