|You Are Running on 90% Adrenaline|
Your Adrenaline Level: Very Dangerous
Life is passing you by so quickly, you hardly can notice what's going on.
You definitely need to slow down before you crash hard!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
1) Please do not tell me “everything will be OK”, or “things will work out”, or (my personal favorite) “it will get better”. They might seem like helpful things to say when you are at a loss for words, but I would much prefer an honest “that really sucks” or even an “is there anything I can do to help?” Telling me that things will get better is a moot point when I just got pushed over the edge of the Grand Canyon. I know things will get better just as much as I know that they will not STAY better. Life is a roller coaster full of ups and downs. For every up there is a down and, most of the time, an up for the downs. Anyone that tells you otherwise is severely delusional. NOTHING EVER STAYS BETTER. For you to tell someone going through a difficult time that they need to “look on the bright side” or that “things will get better”… well, it just comes across as belittling their entire situation. I say call it like it is: “that sucks”, and if you feel the urge to be even borderline condescending by telling them “things are not as bad as you make it out to be”, you should be thoroughly prepared to get punched in the face!
2) Please do not tell me what I need to do, or how I need to LOOK at it, or “at least (insert optimistic bull crap here)”. It is not helpful to me to know how much better you think you could handle being in my shoes than I am. The fact remains that no one is in my particular shoes but me, no one is in my Mom’s shoes except her, and no one is in my Dad’s shoes except for him. (Similar, just as uncomfortable shoes, but not the same pair.)
3) Please do not tell me that I just need to “have a little faith”. That statement implies that I have been leaning on something OTHER THAN my faith for the past seven years full of trials and heart aches. I have more practical application of clinging to nothing except my faith than most people ever have to wake themselves from nightmares about!
Sunday, March 18, 2007
I find it exceptionally amusing that I can be a perfectly functioning human one moment and at the drop of a hat bawl like a newborn. There is no real warning about what will set me off now days. It happens out of the blue several times a week and sometimes, like today, several times a day.
Before long every major store in this town will think my family is nuts!
Today it was a t-ball mitt that set me off bawling through the isles of Target.
My husband is not a huge fan of baseball or softball. He prefers other sports. I like t-ball and baseball and softball.
I used to love to watch my Dad play in the church league and got a kick out of watching my cousin Tim steal home at least once in almost every baseball game he played. (I am horrible at sports so I sit in the stands and cheer.)
I have dressed Auron in baseball themed clothing from the day we brought him home from the hospital.
Dad never got a son to play catch with, and I was too girly to want to learn, so I have looked forward to Dad teaching Auron to play for the past two years.
Walking down an isle at Target today I saw a tiny blue t-ball mitt and showed it to Auron.
He put his hand in it and said "ball?".
I was doing OK until Darrell leaned down and said: "When you get a little bigger I will get a mitt and teach you to play catch."
It suddenly hit me that my Dad might not be around to help teach him and to cheer beside me in the stands at his games.
It isn't that I don't want Darrell to teach him... it just isn't the way I always pictured it.
We were having a perfectly good day and I suddenly get side-swiped by this huge wave of emotion!
As if being hormonal and pregnant wasn't enough!
Friday, March 16, 2007
I HATED her. She was a snotty little twit who enjoyed showing off all the fancy clothes and new things her parents bought for her. She was five or six and already thought that richer meant better. Her family was wealthy and liked to show it off. I sat quietly steaming as she sat in my favorite teacher’s lap going on, and on, and on about how HER Daddy was the BEST Daddy in the world. I wanted to hit her and knock her perfect little pigtails crooked!
“…And MY DADDY took me to Disney World this summer. (She looked down her noses at the rest of us.) That is the BIG one… not the little fake one.” She bragged. “MY DADDY dressed in a tuxedo and my Mommy put on a fancy dress every night for dinner. MY DADDY loves me so much that he bought me a special lunch with Cinderella!”
I couldn’t take it any more! My five-year-old little ego had taken all it could at that point and the lie started to spill out of my mouth with very little consent from my brain. “Oh yeah, Well MY DADDY took me camping this summer and he killed a bear with a pine cone!” I practically shouted it. I KNEW she couldn’t have the best daddy in the world because I did and I just HAD to out do her story.
“Oh really?” said Mrs. Godlevski with a knowing twinkle in her eye. “Why don’t you tell us about your camping trip Melissa.”
I knew I should stop and tell them I was making it all up, but my whole class was mesmerized and Little Miss Better Than You was sitting there with her bottom jaw on the floor. I just couldn't stop myself.
“MY DADDY took me and my cousin Tim camping this summer. One day Tim and me were cooking lunch on the campfire cause MY DADDY taught us how, and a BIG brown bear smelled it and got hungry. The bear came into the camp and started chasing us and me and Tim climbed a pine tree to get away from it, but it started climbing up after us! So me and Tim were in the very top of the tree throwing pine cones at the bear’s head and just then MY DADDY grabbed that mean old bear by his little stubby tail and started pulling him back down the tree away from me and Tim. MY DADDY was so mad that that mean old bear was trying to eat me that he punched that bear right in the nose! When the bear came back at MY DADDY he picked up one of the pine cones up off the ground that me and Tim had been throwing at the bear’s head, and he used it to hit the bear real hard right between his beady little eyes, and that mean old bear just dropped dead! MY DADDY got me and Tim out of the tree and we went back to our camp and had lunch and all the other bears knew that they better not try to eat me and my cousin cause MY DADDY would whoop ‘em just like that bear he killed with a pine cone!”
I ended the story with a flourish and looked around at the amazed and captivated gazes from every one of my classmates. Well, all but one. Little Miss Better Than You just looked jealous.