Note to self...

The next time Samantha's teacher sends a note home from school telling you THREE WEEKS in advance that her Halloween costume has to be "homemade" for her to be able to wear it to school, DO NOT wait until eight on October 30th to START making the stupid thing!

If you should disregard the above advise... DO NOT set up your sewing machine on a rickety folding TV tray table and expect positive results!

When you finally give up and just hope she slightly resembles a mermaid the next day at school... GO TO BED! Stop blogging about it stupid! You are tired!

On that note...

You know it is time to give up when you start not only talking to yourself...
But answering as well...

Goodnight!

My own little world...

I have always been a very passionate person.
Sometimes that is a good thing. Sometimes its not such a good thing.
I have, on more than one occasion, been referred to as a "terminal optimist".
I am generally a pretty happy person. (At least in public.)
I have a history of being the last person to get irritated over crap at the office and I'm (generally speaking) the first one to make a genuine attempt to diffuse tension.
Most of the time I randomly burst into song throughout my day for no apparent reason.
You could say that I am a card carrying member on the happy wagon.
But when things go downhill?...
Well, let me put it this way. Suddenly all four wheels fall of the wagon and the horse pulling it breaks three legs... Oh, did I forget to mention the two broken axles?
Unfortunately for me, these "breakdown" moments in life are not usually brought on by any big traumatic event. No, that would make them slightly predictable.
Mine are brought on by reality crashing through my carefully constructed and interior designed dreams for my daughter.
The reality of the situation is that I have a disabling condition that will make it physically impossible for me to provide the level of care she will require for the rest of her life.
I had hoped that she would reach a developmental milestone as simple as being able to bathe herself or microwave her own meal.
The reality is that her seizures get so bad every summer (because of the heat we think) that she looses 8/10 of the progress that she made during the previous nine months.
For the most part I can convince myself to ignore the reality of the situation. Mainly because I think it would very likely kill me to have to put my daughter in a care facility and we do not have the resources available in this state to give us other options for her care.
So...
Back into my own little world...
The one with the purple sky and teal blue waters...
The one where my body doesn't thwart my attempts to be "Super Mom"...
The one where I will be able to protect my children from the harsh realities of the real world for as long as possible.

Thoughts on Heaven...

I talk from time to time about my FAITH here. (Notice I avoid the word ”religion") I do not believe everything I was raised to believe. (In fact I flat out disagree with some of the teachings I was raised with.) I feel like too many people in this world do many more bad things in the name of *insert God of your choice here*, than they do good and positive things at all.
On a very basic level, it is my personal belief that the only way into Heaven is through the GRACE of God. I do not think it is possible to work your way past the pearly gates. I laugh at anyone who thinks blowing themselves up, and taking out a group of people who believe differently than they do, will get them past Heaven’s gates and into the arms of a group of horny virgins. I mean REALLY! Where do they come up with this stuff?!
I think one of the biggest sins (if any sin is really bigger than another) that anyone can commit is to feel all high and mighty and act like they have the God given right to judge someone else’s life. It irritates the crap out of me when I hear someone say that *insert name of person you dislike* is going to Hell because they *insert action you disagree with*! I believe that the only One who has the RIGHT to judge a person for their beliefs and decisions is God.
I believe that when I die the conversation will go something like this:

Me: Wow! The view from this cloud is AMAZING! You have to come check this out!
God: I know what it looks like. I made it… remember.
Me: Oh, well that’s true. So, I remember reading something about mansions. Are you going to show me which one is mine?
God: Patience my child. First you and I have some things we need to talk about.
Me: Oh crap. Do we have too? Can’t I just say I’m sorry so we can move on to the hugging and welcoming part?
God: That’s not how this works.
Me: (hanging head) I was afraid of that.
(A drive in movie size screen suddenly develops out of the clouds)
Me: Oh, no! Not the BIG screen Lord! Everybody can see it!
God: Uh-huh. That’s kind of the point Kid. Now sit down and get comfortable. I have a lot to show you, and I expect answers to my questions.
Me: (mumbling under my breath) And I thought death was the hard part!
(God chuckles. Moments from my life start flashing across the screen.)
God: Do I need to turn up the volume? I’m not sure I heard what you called me in that last scene.
Me: I was very upset that day Lord. You know I didn’t really mean it.
God: And here? Where you turned away from me like a spoiled two year old because you didn’t get YOUR way, in YOUR time?
Me: I know, Lord. That was childish of me. I’m sorry.
(This goes on for quite a while and then the mood slowly starts to change. New images start to flash across the screen one by one.)
God: Do you remember this day?
Me: Well, it looks kind of familiar, but I can’t seem to place it.
God: You stopped to help a stranger pick up the mail she had dropped. You shared a few kind words with a woman you had never met.
Me: OK. So what makes that so special?
God: You planted a seed of hope in a lonely heart that day. Well done.
Me: But, I don’t understand Lord. It was just a few minuets that I hardly remember. Why are you showing me something so small? Are there no big good things I did in my life?

God: You know about those already. Besides, all of the small moments in life add up to so much more than you can imagine. A kind word to a stranger, a phone call to check on a friend, a prayer you said for someone you didn’t even like. All of the small things that came from your heart, and the compassion you had for those around you that other people pushed away, gave a better view of MY love for them than any single “big” thing you could have done.

Me: So, your saying I didn’t screw things up as bad as I thought?
God: Well, maybe not quite as bad as you thought. But do you have any idea how many times I had to kick you in the behind to get you back on the path you needed to be on?!
Me: Hhhhmmmmm. Well, I guess that gives me the real cause of those massive hemorrhoids I could never seem to get rid of. (giggle)
God: (smiles and shakes head) I’m glad I gave you that sense of humor. You use it quite well. Welcome home Brat.
Me: Thanks Lord, and by the way, sorry for all those “band camp” moments in my life.
I try to live my life so that the good things make a bigger pile than the bad ones. I know that I am SO FAR from perfect that I would be out of luck if I had to work my way into Heaven. But thats whats so great about my God. He made me this way and loves me in spite of myself! That's right. God accepts me for who I am... not just who he wants me to become. Talk about your happy thoughts!

Hi! My name is moron...

Women are stupid creatures.

It's not just the blonds gentlemen!

We all have our idiot moments... or days...

I can say this because... Well... I have ovaries.

Most of the time my stupidity is brought on by emotional turmoil.

Today for example...

Why is it that every time I start feeling crappy about my body I have the uncontrollable urge to eat EVERYTHING I can get my hands on? Most often, sweets.

Oh yeah...

That's going to help my figure...

Happy thought of the day...

I have decided that I really like those blue tooth earpiece thingies.

Not that I own one...

Not that I want to own one...

It is just nice to know after years of receiving funny looks from people...

That I can finally talk to myself in public places...

And I know there is at least one other person walking around looking like a complete lunatic with me! (True that they are probably talking to someone else, but the way I see it... a voice in your head is a voice in your head regardless!)

The amazing STUNT-BOY!!!...

This just goes to prove that great stuntmen are not trained... They are born that way. I apparently gave birth to a natural stuntman. He is constantly running into walls and flinging himself off of the furniture. I originally thought it was just because he is a boy... I am slowly starting to grasp the idea that his antics may have a deeper purpose. How to describe it? Well... Let me just show you...

Auron: Stunt-boy in training...

Changes in the wind...

As I am sure you have already noticed, I have changed a few things around here. I want to see if it is possible to supplement our income by putting ads on my blog! I plan on adding links that would appeal to mostly women... Moms... or guys who want a good gift idea for the women in their lives. Anyway... It is super easy! Just click on any of the links on my page and buy something from that site. (All proceeds to support the continuing madness known as my life.)

Also, if you don't see something you are interested in, just let me know and I will see if I can find a link to add to the page! Leave me comments and let me know what you think! I am looking for feedback! :)

*******I am not responsible for any misspelling in the ads... I don't make them I just link to them! :)*************

My son is a nut!

My goofy son...

Enjoy! :)

Happy thoughts...

WARNING: Content from a LIVID Aunt...

Things that piss me off...

People who lie. People who lie to children. People who lie to children I love. People who lie to children I love ABOUT how I feel about them. People who read mail or keep mail from those it was intended for. People who by all things right and good should drop off the face of the planet. People who threaten my family for standing up for what they believe is right. People who need to be repeatedly kicked in the face by someone wearing steel toed army boots!!! People like my mother in law's live in JACKASS of a control freak boyfriend!!!!!

Why is it that people in this world who are selfish and undeserving of the air they breathe tend to have the most? The most money. The biggest houses. The most control. All of the good "things" in life with out any of the heart it takes to value the things that really matter: Like the emotional stability and and love and understanding that two young boys need while they are growing up so that they do not end up too screwed up to function in society!!!!

I am not normally a violent person. I am not normally someone who wishes harm on other people. In this case I make an exception. For someone to take two children and use them as some sort of sick twisted bargaining tool (regardless of the effect it might have on those two children) and manipulate everyone and everything around you just because you enjoy the power trip it gives you... Makes you a sub-human piece of crap that needs to be tossed out with the cat litter!

(To my nephews: I know you will never read this but since I know your mail is being kept from you and we can not talk to you on the phone... We love you both more than words can say... Please be strong and remember that you ARE loved and you ARE both wanted... No matter what anyone tells you... My heart breaks that we have no way to rescue you from those who keep you from us. We love you and miss you so much. I pray that angels watch over you and keep you safe from the turmoil around you.)