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Monday, October 23, 2006

My own little world...

I have always been a very passionate person.
Sometimes that is a good thing. Sometimes its not such a good thing.
I have, on more than one occasion, been referred to as a "terminal optimist".
I am generally a pretty happy person. (At least in public.)
I have a history of being the last person to get irritated over crap at the office and I'm (generally speaking) the first one to make a genuine attempt to diffuse tension.
Most of the time I randomly burst into song throughout my day for no apparent reason.
You could say that I am a card carrying member on the happy wagon.
But when things go downhill?...
Well, let me put it this way. Suddenly all four wheels fall of the wagon and the horse pulling it breaks three legs... Oh, did I forget to mention the two broken axles?
Unfortunately for me, these "breakdown" moments in life are not usually brought on by any big traumatic event. No, that would make them slightly predictable.
Mine are brought on by reality crashing through my carefully constructed and interior designed dreams for my daughter.
The reality of the situation is that I have a disabling condition that will make it physically impossible for me to provide the level of care she will require for the rest of her life.
I had hoped that she would reach a developmental milestone as simple as being able to bathe herself or microwave her own meal.
The reality is that her seizures get so bad every summer (because of the heat we think) that she looses 8/10 of the progress that she made during the previous nine months.
For the most part I can convince myself to ignore the reality of the situation. Mainly because I think it would very likely kill me to have to put my daughter in a care facility and we do not have the resources available in this state to give us other options for her care.
So...
Back into my own little world...
The one with the purple sky and teal blue waters...
The one where my body doesn't thwart my attempts to be "Super Mom"...
The one where I will be able to protect my children from the harsh realities of the real world for as long as possible.

Lillian Vernon Online

5 comments:

L>T said...

I always wondered how I'd handle having a handicapped child (I am going to check up on that angelman syndrome, BTW)I don't know as if i'd have as good of an attitude about everything. Hang in there & come vist my blog anytime:)

Slain said...

passionate, huh?
sounds liek the optimistic version of me :p

i need 2 email u bout somethin..remind me if i forget.

yes, i am totally useless that way. a Gemini's mind is an ADD paradise!!!!

oh..some disabilities r' invisible. especially if u seem so *bright* in other areas..

starbender said...

My theme in life--
Never give up-never surrender!
I know this isn't much help, but perhaps THISmight help. It has help'd me many, many times in the course my life takes!
I will keep U & your daughter in my prayers.
: )

oldfartswife said...

keep the faith, I try not to look too far ahead, treasure every moment.

Melissa said...

l>t - I'm all for raising awareness! Glad you liked the post!

slain - I know about invisible disabilities... I have Fibromyalgia remember? Look ok on the outside... total mess everywhere you cant see! :)

starbender - sometimes I wish I had the luxury of just giving up, but I figure as long as my kiddo keeps pushing through the hard stuff, I will be right there with her! Thanks for the prayers though, We can ALWAYS use more of those! :)

oldfartswife - Most of the time just surviving TODAY is enough to keep my mind busy! I know what you mean though... Look too far ahead and you miss the joy today while you worry over the trials tomorrow will bring. Thanks!