Once again I can not sleep.
I have nine days left with my husband.
For those of you in blogland who do not know the news yet... My husband joined the Army. He leaves for basic training on Tuesday May 15th. He will not be home for the birth of our son. I am not looking forward to this situation. I prayed far too long and hard about this to doubt that this was the decision God had made for us. I have no doubts about that.
I do have doubts about how I am going to deal with the reality of going without half of myself for months at a time. I am terrified at the thought that I could loose him in this never ending war. I am angry that so many doors were slammed in our life and this was the only one left open to us. I hate that deployments with the Army are anywhere from six to eighteen months at a time.
I wanted to knock the crap out of the guy in line in front of me at the grocery store today. He paid for sixty dollars worth of chips and dip with his food stamps card and THEN pulled out a wad of fifty dollar bills to pay for his almost TWO HUNDRED dollars worth of beer and wine coolers.
My family of four (going on five) can't afford to both pay bills AND buy groceries, but we were told we made too much money to qualify for any government assistance. After my husband got passed up for the promotion he needed at work we were left with very few options. The Army is where God lead us.
I don't want to be without my husband. I don't want him to miss the birth of this child. I know that things will be tremendously better for our family financially and our health care will be so much better in the military. I know that God has lead us here for a reason. I just hate that life always seems to be so difficult for us.
Please continue to pray for us.
We are SO going to need it!