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Friday, December 16, 2005

The Death Flower... Or Why this season sucks...

You really have to hand it to the first guy that sold poisettas as a Christmas "flower". He was either a genius, or really high. Or, maybe both. I can see it now... Two guys sitting around in old Mexico... Drinking beer and smoking pot. "Hey man... You see those weeds in my garden over there?" said Juan. "Yah man... I got em too... And you pull um up and they grow right back... You can't get rid of them." said Carlos. "They are poison you know. You can't smoke them or eat them or they make you sick. I tried last year." said Juan. "Well," said Carlos, "at least they aren't so bad to look at. Kind of a pretty color of red." "Hey man, I think you are on to something there! Maybe we could call them 'flowers' and sell them!" exclaimed Juan. "Everyone in Mexico knows those are weeds, man. No one will buy weeds." Carlos stated. "Well, they are about the same color red as that suit the big fat guy those Americans talk so much about in winter wears. What if we wrap the roots in red foil and sprinkle some glitter on them? Americans are stupid man! They will buy ANYTHING! We can tell them its a traditional Mexican Christmas flower." said Juan. "Oh, man... That's great! I have red foil at my house... And my little sister has glitter... Lets take some across the border tonight! You know those guards are always playing poker on Tuesday nights... We could get by them easy!" said Carlos. And so Juan and Carlos were right. Americans will buy anything. I guess I must be one of the few people on Earth who are allergic to those stupid red weeds, but it makes the holiday season almost unbearable for me. They are EVERYWHERE!!!!! I can't go to the grocery store without feeling like I am going to pass out. I love Christmas. It is just very hard to get into the holiday spirit when you can't breathe for three straight months. And Juan and Carlos can now sit on the back porch of their mansion in old Mexico... Drinking beer and smoking pot... And laughing their butts off at how a bunch of dumb Americans solved their weed problem AND made them rich.

1 comment:

Brenda said...

Too funny! You ought to have your own column....I would read it every day! LOL