Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Darrell has been gone for four weeks. So much has happened that I just couldn't stay focused long enough to compose a new post. This is just ONE of the MANY things going on here right now. I will try to update you all on everything else over the next few weeks...
Those of you who are close know what terrible condition my body is in and will understand the following... those not so close... please do not judge me based on your ignorance of the situation.
Darrell left for boot camp on May 15th. The first Saturday after he left Samantha had a "poop party". For those of you outside the Angelman Syndrome world that means she had the runs and played in it until she was covered from head to toe in her own poop and so was EVERYTHING she could reach in her bed. I hurt myself trying to get her and her bed cleaned up and had a HUGE emotional breakdown because I realized in a very abrupt way that I could no longer handle the PHYSICAL aspects of taking care of my daughter. She is seven and a half and four feet tall... she weighs a ton (and wiggles like crazy when you try to lift her).
After sobbing into my Mom's lap for a few hours because I felt like the worst parent on the planet (a Mom should be able to take care of her kid right?!) We came to the conclusion that the best thing for Samantha, my health, and by default the health of my unborn son, would be for Samantha to stay with my Mom and Dad for a bit.
It says something about how bad my body and overall health is when my Mom (just had BOTH knees replaced) and my Dad (going through chemo every other week) are in better physical condition to take care of Sam than I am. I am so thankful that I have such wonderful and loving parents who are willing to step up to the plate with no complaints or judgements. Samantha is doing quite well in their home and I still get to see her every day. I know she is happy and being well cared for (much more so than if I had been faced with the prospect of having to "place" her). She is still with her family and by all accounts... quite happy to be getting a vacation from her stressed out Mommy.
Pray for me... I hate that by baby girl is no longer under the same roof as me. I hate that my body is so crappy that I can not take care of her physical needs. I hate that I know I have made the best choice FOR HER, and knowing that it is to be someplace other than here with me makes me feel SO worthless as her Mom.
Pray for my WONDERFUL parents too. They are one of my biggest GOD sent blessings and they have taken on a serious full time job without blinking an eye.
And pray for my baby girl... it is getting hotter and her seizures have a history of becoming life threatening in the Summer heat.