The Proposal...

My husband proposed to me.

That sounds redundant I know, but there is a story here I promise. Three years ago in December my husband gave me a ring. I put it on my finger and we started making wedding plans. He never officially ASKED me to marry him. The conversation went something like this:

He gives me the ring (we were broke so it was tiny and well… budget appropriate) tied to a purple feather rose.

Me: “what is this?”
Him: “what do you THINK it is?”
Me: (tears) “NO… What IS this?”
Him: “what does it look like it is?”
Me: (more tears) “Are you SURE?”
Him: (goofy grin) “Of course I’m sure… I love you.”
Me: “I love you too, but are you sure your sure?”
Him: “yes.”
Me: (crying and holding out my hand for him to put the ring on me)
Him: “So… is that a yes?”

I admit that I was disappointed that it was not more romantic than that, but at that point I had waited three years for him to decide he wanted to marry me and was just thrilled he had finally decided that I was a keeper. I spent the better part of two years picking on him over the fact that he never ASKED me to marry him. He promised to upgrade my ring to something prettier as soon as we could afford it. I told him that when we could get the ring I wanted that he was GOING TO give me a “real” proposal to one day tell my children about. I picked on him and told him it had to be WAY romantic and sappy.

We really couldn’t afford the ring I wanted, but my husband (being the great guy he is) insisted we get it with our tax return this year anyway. I told him no… we had a new baby coming and couldn’t spend money on something that frivolous. He told me to order it anyway because “you deserve it honey.” I compromised and agreed to get the ring but NOT the diamond for the center. I told him I was perfectly content wearing a CZ for the next forty years or so. By the time the ring was delivered I was just so thrilled to have one that was beautiful and unique enough to symbolize those same things in our marriage that I told him the ring was enough by itself… he didn’t have to propose to me. I have been quite happily wearing my new ring since mid March.

Darrell left for boot camp at 4:30PM last Tuesday. We spent the majority of Monday and Tuesday before he left holding each other and the kids and crying. We HATE being apart. At about 2PM I was laying beside my husband on our living room floor while the kids played around us. I had my head on his shoulder and my left hand on his chest and we were both in tears. Suddenly he reached for my hand and pulled my ring off. He looked at it for a moment and then touched the bottom of my chin to make me look him in the eye.

“Melissa, will you marry me?”

I couldn’t do anything except bury my head in his shoulder and sob as he slipped my ring back onto my finger.

Just when I think it is impossible to love him anymore than I already do… he proves me wrong again. I love him more every day and could never ask for a better husband. He is so much more than I deserve and my heart aches for when we can be together again. I am not whole without him.

Nine days...

Once again I can not sleep.

I have nine days left with my husband.

For those of you in blogland who do not know the news yet... My husband joined the Army. He leaves for basic training on Tuesday May 15th. He will not be home for the birth of our son. I am not looking forward to this situation. I prayed far too long and hard about this to doubt that this was the decision God had made for us. I have no doubts about that.

I do have doubts about how I am going to deal with the reality of going without half of myself for months at a time. I am terrified at the thought that I could loose him in this never ending war. I am angry that so many doors were slammed in our life and this was the only one left open to us. I hate that deployments with the Army are anywhere from six to eighteen months at a time.

I wanted to knock the crap out of the guy in line in front of me at the grocery store today. He paid for sixty dollars worth of chips and dip with his food stamps card and THEN pulled out a wad of fifty dollar bills to pay for his almost TWO HUNDRED dollars worth of beer and wine coolers.

My family of four (going on five) can't afford to both pay bills AND buy groceries, but we were told we made too much money to qualify for any government assistance. After my husband got passed up for the promotion he needed at work we were left with very few options. The Army is where God lead us.

I don't want to be without my husband. I don't want him to miss the birth of this child. I know that things will be tremendously better for our family financially and our health care will be so much better in the military. I know that God has lead us here for a reason. I just hate that life always seems to be so difficult for us.

Please continue to pray for us.

We are SO going to need it!