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Thursday, April 06, 2006

To my blog buddies...

Dear Blog Friends,
For awhile at least, I will not be posting. I will still read and comment on your blogs. You guys are great, and seem to understand me on a much deeper level than some who know me. It makes me horribly sad that people around me fail to see that I am not self centered... I am Samantha centered. I have very little time for myself. I have very little time for my friends. I have very little time for the rest of my family. I wish I had the time and energy to live up to the expectations that some seem to have for me, but I don't. I am too busy trying to survive. This blog started as a small bit of ME time, late at night after the kids were in bed. Apparently, wanting that has made me a seem like a horrible person to those who have never WANTED to understand me. That is fine. Those who understand me (like my Mom) know that I am not this way. I will post photos and maybe a poem or two (not my own least they be used against me), but this will be the last "me" post for awhile. I have too much to deal with right now to handle attacks against my character. I am an emotional wreck. I will miss you guys. Please do not give up on me... I will be back once some of the turmoil dies down, but for now this is all I can do...

4 comments:

Auntsy said...

Since you erased my post this morning I feel that I am the cause of you not wanting to post any long. Just because I agreed with Anonymous on some points doesn't mean that I think you are a horrible person. I shared with you how your blog made me feel from the good points to the bad. I have never and would never begrudge you ME time and as I am sure you are referring to me as the person who never WANTED to understand you (which isn't true)I can assure you that I do not think you are a horrible person. I think you are a beautiful, creative, compassionate, loving and wickedly humorous young adult that is at times extremely overwhelmed by your circumstances. And who wouldn't be? Do not think that I do not love you or think you are a terribl person just because we differ on somethings. I am sure you disagree with a lot of things I do and say and I am sure you have been disappointed in me (just like I have been disappointed in me as well). Differences are what make us unique and it is also what makes us the family that we are. If you chose not to write anymore-let it be a choice you made because you feel you don't need to write any more. Don't let it be because you are offended and feel that I am picking on you. Actually, I admire the fact that you are willing to share so openly.

Melissa said...

Auntsy- your post was not erased. It is still under the April 4th post.

Auntsy said...

Sorry sweetie. Remember to take everything with a grain of salt, stand firm on what you believe, and the get that old C/R/M/M bullheadedness going again. Don't give up just because someone has hurt your feelings. Be true to yourself, afford yourself ME time and post from your heart and soul.

Melissa said...

Auntsy – I did not respond to your comments right away for several reasons. I mainly needed time to calm down and collect my thoughts. Auron also came down with chicken pox in the middle of all this crap, and we had a scare that Mom’s surgery would have to be cancelled. I normally would wish to deal with this in a much more private manner, but since you posted openly here, I have come to the conclusion that this is the appropriate place to respond as well.

My first reaction to your post supporting the anonymous coward was pain. I felt as though you had twisted the proverbial knife put in my back by that person. However, the more I reflected on it, the more I comprehend your mindset. You live three hours away. You do not see how I interact on a daily basis with those around me. You get snap shots of my life, mostly when Mom or my grandparents are upset with me. You probably do not hear about the good things as much, because it is human nature to talk about what is bothering us instead of what we are proud of. (The very thing you admonish in my posting.) But to think that those snap shots tell my life story, is a highly inaccurate assumption. Would you look in a high school yearbook and assume that a blonde cheerleader was vain and stupid, simply because she acted silly in her photos? Maybe. Does that mean you know her by those photos? No. I spent most of yesterday and last night physically ill over the nasty comments left on this blog. I did not sleep, because it is MY nature to worry myself sick over things I cannot change. I wish I could change that about myself so that other’s opinions of me would not matter so much, but for some reason I have always longed for acceptance and approval.

I am still saddened that you do not know me better, but I love you, and I forgive you for your misconceptions.