Things to think about...

Perspective

Alone...

Tonight is the first time since we moved away from Texas that I have felt completely alone and homesick. I thought it would have hit me a few days ago on my anniversary, but NOOOOOO, I get the delayed reaction thing! I think it was a combination of things that brought it on. Let me elaborate:

I had been planning to go back to Texas for the holiday season. I planned on flying the boys and I home before Thanksgiving and I was going to wait until after my birthday in January to come back here. As of my anniversary, that plan is completely out the window. Why, you ask? Well, my minivan broke and I had to pay $700 to fix it. Going back to Texas for the holidays would cost a minimum of $1200 (just to get us there and back). That would have already stretched a very tight budget, but before the minivan broke I still thought I would be able to squeeze the money from someplace. Now... Not so much. That means I will spend Thanksgiving, Sam's birthday, Christmas, New Years and my birthday here alone.

I needed to get out of the house with the boys tonight. I thought it would be a great plan to go see the new Disney movie. Slight problem: there is a killer loose in our area and I do not think it would be a brilliant plan to be out on the town alone with the boys. SO, I call every friend I have made since I got into town (minus the few who are out of town), and guess how many of them answered the phone?.... None. Everyone was either working, or already attending some other function. So, suddenly the walls seem to be closing in on me AND the house feels too big for just me and the boys all at the same time.

I can't seem to sleep because the bed and my bedroom just seem so empty and lonely... and it doesn't help that Darrell's pillow doesn't smell like him anymore.

Be Still...

Confession of the day...

I want to bail out of the horribly crashing and dysfunctional FRG I volunteered to "help" with, but I can't bring myself to quit after I contacted families to tell them I would be here if they need me.

I'm afraid that the end result of me NOT bailing on this FRG will be a serious distaste for all future interactions with what is SUPPOSED TO BE a support system for families of deployed soldiers.

Today has been a rough day.

I miss my husband. I miss my daughter, and I'm worried about her seizure activity coming back up with the Summer heat. It is so hard for me to believe that my daughter has not been under the same roof as me for about a year now.

I HATE THAT.

I know she is being well cared for, and I know she is loved beyond words.

It still hurts that she is not with me.

Today has been a rough day.