Where did all the dust-bunnies come from?

As any repeat reader of my blog can attest, I generally blog when I can't sleep because I have too many things buzzing through my brain. Such is the case tonight, so I thought I would fight off the ginormous dust-bunnies that are trying to colonize my poor neglected blog and fill you guys in on life changes around here. (I'm also prepping for my Christmas letter, so this is sort of a first draft.)

Major update highlights for this year: I am no longer an only child! Months ago, my long lost paternal half sister and I finally found each other! She is a fabulous person and we hope to meet in person as soon as we can manage it. I am just going to call her "T" or Sis here to protect her privacy when I talk about her. T is six years older than I am and is married with two beautiful step-daughters and one handsome son. She has had a less than ideal life but was blessed with a loving adoptive Dad who still stays actively involved in her life. I'm her only sister (which is super cool from my perspective!)

Dad is still fighting the good fight and recently had another operation to remove more cancerous tissue. He is ornery and doesn't go to the doctor for half of the things he probably should but he assures me he is not going to give up any time soon. He has lost weight (much more than would be healthy) for over a month and is struggling to keep enough nourishment in his system to even stay hydrated and maintain his weight. My grandfather swears he is starting to look like a toothpick.

Dad's hospital stay after his last operation was much longer than they originally anticipated which left Samantha in the care of a family friend who didn't have the proper paperwork to seek medical treatment for her in case there were an emergency. The Army considered the situation a child care emergency and granted emergency leave to my husband so he could drive to Texas to pick up Samantha and her mass amounts of equipment and bring her back home to live with us again.

MY CHILDREN ARE ALL UNDER THE SAME ROOF FOR THE FIRST TIME - EVER!!!!

We are still working out all the details that go into meeting Sam's needs but the good news is that my body has held up surprisingly well to all the lifting and moving involved in her day to day care! Things are VERY busy around here because we don't have nursing help set up for Samantha yet and adding all of her daily requirements to the already hectic schedule of three small boys has been... interesting to say the least! We have not had the jealousy from the boys that I expected. They have all been exceptionally sweet with their sister and mostly argue over who gets to help take care of her. I have been blessed with some wonderful kiddos and I can't wait to see what wonderful and compassionate men they will grow into as a result of growing up with our beautiful girl!

Auron started school this year and is doing great! He loves his teacher and has made lots of friends. Focus is a bit of a problem for him, but he IS mine after all! He is turning into such a sweet little gentleman and I am so pleased with the tender personality that he is growing into. Xander doesn't look like a baby any more. He has grown so much this year and looks so much more like a little boy now. He is a very loving child and constantly follows me through the house kissing my hands and hugging me. He has one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen and a giggle to match! Drayden is almost a year old and just started walking. He is bursting with WAY more personality than the average twelve month old. He dances every time he hears a beat, wags his pointer finger at you when he is talking to you, giggles and smiles all the time, and ADORES Auron.

I am feeling very BLESSED and thankful for so many reasons. Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers as we always need them, and special prayers for my Mom and Dad would be much appreciated!

Remember The Troops This Christmas...

Click on the title to see a great video. My husband is home with us this Christmas, but thousands of soldiers are away from their families and this time of the year is the hardest part of a deployment.

Quick update...

saying goodbye at the end of R&R

My cousin Julie is officially a "MRS." now! Congrats to her and her Handsome new hubby Jeff! Yay for wedding bells!

My cousin Rachael, who's son Carrick I requested prayer for awhile back, has her beautiful and healthy boy home with her where he belongs now! Thanks so much for your prayers!

My husband was home for R&R in February and tomorrow marks the start of month 12 for this deployment. We are on the downhill slide now! YAY!

OH... and in November we will be adding an R&R souvenir to the family!

Yup... He is strutting around with his chest all puffed out... SO PROUD he "knocked me up" over R&R. Yay, for babies! (Last one for us though, four is a good round number.)

Feeling a little emotional tonight...

The Good, The Bad & The Future...

So, today is my birthday and in two days I fly back to North Carolina. I am both happy and sad. I am looking forward to being in my own space again (and WAY happy that I will have my good bed back soon). Darrell gets 18 days of R&R shortly after the boys and I get back home and I am ecstatic about being in my husband's arms again! I'm looking forward to restoring the routine that helps the boys behavior so much, but has been impossible to keep during our visit to Texas.

I am NOT looking forward to leaving my daughter behind again. I know that being here with my Mom & Dad is truly in her best interest right now. I know that the same routine the boys thrive under in North Carolina would not work as well for Samantha. I know that my parents do a brilliant job of caring for her and creating an environment where she has grown and flourished. I know that she has reached SO MANY developmental milestones since she moved in with them, and I am certain she would not have reached them as quickly as she has, had it not been for the encouragement, love and support that she receives here. (Not just from my parents and grandparents, but from our entire church family and close friends.)

Even knowing that I am doing the best thing I can for her right now, it breaks my heart for her to be away from us. Her brothers love her and enjoy playing with her more than I could have ever dreamed they would, and they miss her almost as much as I do when she isn't with us. I think that it wouldn't hurt so much to leave her here if I thought I could meet her needs as well or better than they do here... But that is the kicker. KNOWING that I am not able to meet my beautiful girl's needs (and that someone else can) kills me inside. And I am so afraid of the day when she will get too big for any of us to properly meet her needs... at least right now she is with people who love her and will protect her from the bad and ugly things in this world. I pray that God takes us all home long before I have to put my daughter's care into the hands of strangers.

Bring Him Home Santa

Hoping you all have a very blessed Christmas and a safe and happy New Year!

T.M.I. (I'm sure)...

I was sodomized today.

Not thrilling, that's for sure.

Because of my Dad's not so recent bout with Cancer (that word will always be capitalized now) I had to have my very first colonoscopy today. Everything was fine, no abnormalities found (other than the VERY abnormal tube up my butt.) The two days of no food and constant bathroom trips getting "prepared" for the testing was an adventure in itself.

Needless to say I have had a rough few days. Thank God I have a great friend here who has taken the boys overnight last night and tonight so I could recover in peace. I'm not sure what I would do without her.

Anytime I have a bad day I pull out Darrell's cologne to spray on my pillow, or on a piece of his clothing that I cuddle with and carry around to feel closer to him. (My version of a security blanket I guess.) I don't feel well today. So I got his robe from the closet and went to grab his cologne. I had somehow misplaced it. I did eventually find it and am now calm enough to write this blog... But when I thought I had lost it feeling the way I do today... Lets just say that I am very grateful my boys were not here to see Mommy bawling because she couldn't find Daddy's cologne.

I miss my Hubby...

God Rocks!...

At this point I get to talk to my husband over the Internet once a week, IF the Internet is working properly on his end. Xander will be a year old in just a few days and I have been neurotic about ALWAYS having my camera ready so I could catch his first independent steps when they happen. I probably have an hour and a half of video where Xander is just standing in place grinning at me before he decides he would rather crawl. Darrell has missed SO much with Xander I was determined to AT LEAST catch his first steps so I could send the video to my hubby to see.

Last night I was on a video call with Darrell (our once a week one), and never in a million years did I think (or even hope) Xander would take his first steps WHILE his Daddy was watching live over the web cam,

BUT HE DID!!!!!!!!!!!

Less than five minutes after he got to be a part of Xander's first steps, Darrell's Internet completely crashed. If Xander had walked five minutes earlier or five minutes later Darrell would have missed it. The timing could not have been more perfect! No WAY that was just "luck"... It was totally a God thing!

Anyway, it made me all sorts of happy and I just wanted to share!

GOD ROCKS!!!!!

Today has been a rough day.

I miss my husband. I miss my daughter, and I'm worried about her seizure activity coming back up with the Summer heat. It is so hard for me to believe that my daughter has not been under the same roof as me for about a year now.

I HATE THAT.

I know she is being well cared for, and I know she is loved beyond words.

It still hurts that she is not with me.

Today has been a rough day.

I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!

I got flowers from my deployed husband today!!!!!

I TOLD you guys he was the BEST HUSBAND EVER!!!!

Waiting for the love of my life to return to me...

ALWAYS.

Myspace suckage resolved...

I have the best husband on the planet!
I know I have mentioned this before, but it deserves to be said again.
I talked to him about how badly the myspace comment left for him had made me feel. He couldn't understand WHY I felt the way I did about it, but he volunteered to delete the comment. He also sent the girl in question an email letting her know that love poems were inappropriate to send to a married man and asking her not to do it again.
He didn't HAVE to act on feelings that he didn't understand, but he did because he could see how upsetting it was for me.
I have the best husband on the planet!

Myspace suckage...

OK.
Here I sit in the middle of the night blogging again.
Why? Because I'm upset and angry and irritated.
A girl that my husband knew from his "wild and crazy" phase left a comment on his myspace page. No big deal right? Normally no. This one, YES.
She posted a romantic love poem on MY HUSBAND'S PAGE!
OK, Reality check: my husband is about to be out of the country for (unspecified humongous time span) so it isn't like I'm concerned that this would lead to a physical affair, my husband is way too smart and devoted to our family for that to be a concern. (However, an emotional one would be just as damaging and much more likely to sneak up on him, especially since we will soon be apart for XXX amount of time and he is pretty bad at picking up hints when people like him as "MORE than a friend".)
I think what pisses me off about it the most is that it feels so very disrespectful towards me and our marriage.
I want reassurance that I have no reason to worry about this.
The baby took forever to go to sleep tonight and by the time he did, Darrell had already been asleep for at least an hour.
Tip of the day: if you want your spouse to give you firm emotional support and assurances DO NOT wake them from a dead sleep in an attempt to gain it. It only makes you feel worse when the response to a sniffle filled question about your relationship is answered with a pat on the hand and a mumbled "you don't have anything to worry about babe", followed swiftly by a return to deep breathing that signals he is already sleeping again.

No matter the distance...

ALWAYS.

ARMY: You can have your husband back... OR NOT...

So... My first blog from a new state...
We have been a family again for roughly a month and a half.
Our new state is beautiful!
I LOVE HAVING MY HUSBAND IN MY ARMS AGAIN!
I will not have him for long.
Uncle Sam has called and wants to ship my husband into a war zone.
I cannot and will not say exactly where or when.
Simply that it is far too soon and he will be gone for a very long time.
I am working on ways to help our boys cope with our first deployment...
I'm still not sure how I will get through it... I just know I have to.
I have to be as strong as I can for all of us.
Even if what I really want to do is curl up into a ball and sob for three days.
I hope I can make some friends soon.
We haven't even had the chance to completely get unpacked yet and I will soon be on my own.
I thought we would have more time as a family before his first deployment. As it turns out our time is very limited.
I do have a nice neighbor who has a three year old son that Auron likes to play with. That is a plus.
We found a decent place to rent and as soon as I get out from under all the boxes I'm sure I will find it again.
Stop reading this and go hug your family now.
God Bless You All!

Bliss!

Random Acts of Kindness...

I have to share something that happened to me tonight. I have not been using the air conditioner during the day and it gets pretty hot in the house. This afternoon after the boys woke up from their naps we were pretty hungry but it was far too hot to cook... So we headed off to the mall to eat at Furrs and then let Auron run off some energy.

We sat down at the table (like always), unloaded our tray (like always), said our prayer of thanks (like always), and were about halfway through our meal when an older gentleman stopped at our table.

"Excuse me Mam... I noticed your dog tags, is your husband marching through the sand?"

"No Sir. Not yet at least..."

"Is he in town with you?"

"No Sir, He is gone for training right now."

"Oh, how long has he been gone?"

"About seven months, but he will be home soon."

"Hmmm, (as he takes the ticket off my table) Well, I'm going to take care of this for you today."

And before I had time to do anymore than stutter a timid "thank you", he was gone. I burst into tears. Auron thought something was wrong because I sat there sobbing like a baby. This random stranger reached out to do something kind for me and touched my heart beyond words.

You hear people talk about supporting our troops all the time, but those who are not in the military seldom think about the families attached to those troops. It is not hard to be a military family ONLY when your soldier is in a war zone. It is hard every day... especially when we are apart. Training and non-war deployments are hard for military families too and so often people loose sight of that fact. This complete stranger acknowledged that with a simple (and wonderfully touching) random act of kindness that I will always remember.

Like THAT could stop Him!....

I got to make a surprise last minute visit to see my husband at the base last weekend. I didn't tell him I was coming to see him, I just sort of showed up. He was way happy to see me and I was thrilled to be in the same zip code with him for 24 hours. I left Auron with Mom and Dad again so I could make the trip a bit easier and be a little more selfish with the precious little time we had together. (Thanks My-maw and Paw! You guys ROCK!) I was sitting in the parking lot waiting when he got released for the weekend and walked out onto the pad. I called his cell phone:

Me: Hey Babe! What are you doing?
Him: Oh, I'm just walking around. What are you doing?
Me: I'm just sitting in the parking lot watching you walk around.
Him: (looking up and grinning ear to ear) WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!??

We had a good visit (and GREAT nookie), and he got to bond with Xander a little more too. I have to take a pregnancy test in another two weeks now though. Condoms are great for preventing pregnancy... when they DON'T rip. I'm not too worried about it because I'm still nursing Xander and that tends to be a natural birth control method in itself, but the whole situation has made me even MORE aware of how strange Catholics are in certain beliefs.

Here are a group of people who think any form of unnatural birth control (even when used by married couples) is a sin. They believe God created the Heavens and the Earth and everything in them in six days... but for some reason they think that if God wants you to conceive a child... a little latex is going to get in His way. Lets face it folks... When God wanted Jesus to be conceived... he didn't even let a perfectly intact hymen stop Him!

I'm not being disrespectful at all... just stating the facts as I see them... I just seem to be a bit more blunt than most might.

Oh well... If I do turn up expecting an unexpected baby again... I'm just going to look at it as God giving me a valid excuse for my insanity! :)

Blessings to count...

Blessings:

My Daddy's "terminal" Cancer has disappeared from his liver! (The doctor said there is still one tiny "nodule" but he is pretty sure that one is benign since it has never changed size and all the other ones did.) Lots of prayer, chemo, and even a bit of alternative treatments... and he is (mostly) back to being himself! The doctor is STILL baffled!

Xander is over two months old now and still healthy as a little horse! He seems to have come through all of the hurdles of an unexpected conception and difficult pregnancy with flying colors. He is also a very mellow baby (most days) and has been my most enjoyable newborn (go figure!) the other two were terrible at this age!

Auron is driving me nuts on a daily basis and has an extremely extensive vocabulary for a two year old. He is way too smart for MY own good. (And even though he drives me up the wall and I beg him daily to "be quiet for just five minuets... I promise you won't explode!" I am so blessed that he CAN drive me up the wall.) He is also dealing with missing his Daddy much better than I thought he would.

Samantha's seizures are finally mellowing out enough that she is back to her beautiful self. Grinning and giggling like a little mad woman, wearing her Paw out chasing her around the living room, giving her nurse a hard time, and chewing the crap out of her hands anytime our backs are turned. She has started her home bound schooling and we are all very optimistic that it will be a serious improvement on previous years.

Darrell is now a four hour drive from my front door and I have been to see him three times since the middle of August. I won't be able to see him again until the end of October or the beginning of November and only then if I can afford to make the trip again, but I still get to talk to him every night and that is a MAJOR improvement. He is doing great in his schooling and has the highest average of all the AIT students in his class. He will get to come home for two weeks for Christmas too!

Lubricant not included...

Looking to spice up your sex life?

Join the US Army!

Get screwed in all sorts of new and exciting ways!

(Just don't expect them to let it be by your spouse.)