Speak No Evil #1...

Feelings are NEVER wrong. Just because you may not agree with how I feel about something does not give you the right to tell me my feelings are wrong. Feelings are just feelings and they most often cannot be helped or controlled (at least not without a valium the size of Wisconsin). For those of you who are NOT judgmental jerks out there… Think of the following as three helpful hints for the next time you encounter a friend or relative who is having a personal crisis.

1) Please do not tell me “everything will be OK”, or “things will work out”, or (my personal favorite) “it will get better”. They might seem like helpful things to say when you are at a loss for words, but I would much prefer an honest “that really sucks” or even an “is there anything I can do to help?” Telling me that things will get better is a moot point when I just got pushed over the edge of the Grand Canyon. I know things will get better just as much as I know that they will not STAY better. Life is a roller coaster full of ups and downs. For every up there is a down and, most of the time, an up for the downs. Anyone that tells you otherwise is severely delusional. NOTHING EVER STAYS BETTER. For you to tell someone going through a difficult time that they need to “look on the bright side” or that “things will get better”… well, it just comes across as belittling their entire situation. I say call it like it is: “that sucks”, and if you feel the urge to be even borderline condescending by telling them “things are not as bad as you make it out to be”, you should be thoroughly prepared to get punched in the face!

2) Please do not tell me what I need to do, or how I need to LOOK at it, or “at least (insert optimistic bull crap here)”. It is not helpful to me to know how much better you think you could handle being in my shoes than I am. The fact remains that no one is in my particular shoes but me, no one is in my Mom’s shoes except her, and no one is in my Dad’s shoes except for him. (Similar, just as uncomfortable shoes, but not the same pair.)

3) Please do not tell me that I just need to “have a little faith”. That statement implies that I have been leaning on something OTHER THAN my faith for the past seven years full of trials and heart aches. I have more practical application of clinging to nothing except my faith than most people ever have to wake themselves from nightmares about!